Defending Snape
by zzn-gr
Summary: No more than the title indicates. When I saw half SSHG shippers brooding over HBP's last pages, I had to stand my height 160 cm and get it out of my system...
1. Dissecting the obvious

Chapter 1 – Dissecting the obvious

"No Hermione, I don't. But I'll lend you the ruddy memory just to see you proved royally wrong for once."

"'Mione, you know you need a pensieve to run this memory by, right?"

"Right, Ron, stating the obvious really helps a lot."

"So then I assume the cost of one is equally obvious to you, right?"

"I have some money."

"You have enough money to buy not just one but TWO top model racing brooms and you're gonna throw them on a pensieve just to prove Harry wrong?"

"Say what you will, both of you. I'm doing it. Something doesn't add up here. It's at least blasphemy to believe that the greatest wizard of all would succumb to…"

"Avada Kedavra cast by a Death Eater?"

"Harry James Potter, you made your prejudiced point crystal clear more times than I have fingers to keep count of. Now stand by and let the less fanatic draw a conclusion, if you will."

"There's no other conclusion. Don't you get it? Why do you always feel the deep unsatisfied urge to dissect facts in order to prove the opposite of what's bloody obvious?"

"'Cause if history is any measure, every time we took facts at face value with Snape, we were royally wrong."

"Dumbledore's dead cold body can be interpreted in one way only Hermione. He's dead."

"I don't reckon he's not. But doesn't it bother you that he didn't put up a fight? He actually _let_ Snape kill him."

"When he had so much of a choice! He was weak, barely standing on his feet, wandless, defenceless and if you ask me, blind enough to never expect Snape turn against him."

"That's my point exactly Harry. He trusted Snape. Trusted him with his life. Like he trusted Hagrid when no one else would. Don't you see there must be solid reason behind this trust? Even Remus trusts Snape."

"Remus trusted Dumbledore, not Snape. And if I was to take a wild guess Dumbledore trusted Snape for a reason equally stupid to the one that made him hire Quirell or be fooled by Moody's impostor. He was not infallible you know. Nor omnipotent."

"Harry's got a point there, you know."

"Won-Won, did it ever register with that thick skull of yours, that the man had managed wandless magic centuries before we were all born? We're talking about Albus all-mighty Dumbledore here. The man didn't even duck."

"He was barely standing on his feet, according to Harry."

"That didn't get in the way of casting a petrification spell, using legilimens on Malfoy and having a lengthy talk with him, did it? And what about innate magic that are supposed to kick in when you're in danger?"

"I don't think he ever truly believed he was in danger. He was trying to convince Malfoy and had every confidence that he will finally succeed."

"He wasn't hit at the back, Ron. He saw Snape. He knew what was coming. And exhibited no reflexes at all? Doesn't make sense."

"Dumbledore begged for his life. And that slimy bastard took all the pleasure he could out of killing him. You weren't there Hermione…"

"My point exactly! I was not. That's why I want to see it with my own eyes."

"Why don't you spare your money and just trust me for once? Besides your stubbornness would be put in better use if you helped me figure out what the rest of the horcruxes are."

"Or where for that matter…"

"Won-Won will help you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a pensieve waiting to be picked up."

And with a louder than strictly necessary pop, the trio's stubborn-mind disapparated, leaving two equally baffled young wizards at her wake.

"I know her for 7 years and I've never seen her that fixated with something so futile."

"I have. And I dearly hope she doesn't ask us to knit Christmas socks for Snape this time round. Saving Previously Evicted Wizards doesn't become me."

"I'm telling you Ron, any other time, even when I didn't whole-heartily agree with her, I could at least see a point. This is such a waste of time."

"And money. She could buy Gryffindor new Firebolts if she so desperately needed to get rid of her bank account."

"Would you please let me be present when you suggest that to her?"

"Having a death wish, aren't we?"


	2. When bad comes to worse

Chapter 2 – When bad comes to worse

"Ron, she's been at it for at least 36 hours. Don't you think it's time we barge in?"

"Nah, I'd rather face a flock of angry hippogriffs."

"Don't be such a bottler. When we went to dinner last night I think I heard her crying."

"You're probably imagining thinks. Besides, don't tell me you didn't shed a tear at the funeral?"

No arguments against that one. There was hardly a witch or wizard that knew Albus Dumbledore and didn't cry their hearts out. Some more privately than others, but they all surely felt the same. Harry chose to just shrug the question off and change the subject.

"I kind of regret giving her my memories, you know. They grow fainter when you remove them, and I need all the hatred I can get to chase Snape and Malfoy down."

"Your list is growing longer. Last year it was only He-who-must-not-be-named, Pettigrew and Lestrange."

"You'll work your way through yours, don't worry. Greyback won't be your only target."

"I CAN HEAR YOU BOTH, YOU KNOW? Instead of whining outside my door, just get your sorry arses in here."

And with that the door to Hermione's Granger room flew open revealing a swelled eye, pathetically looking witch.

"See, she was crying."

"What with all those notes? Don't tell me you are making an assignment out of Dumbledore's last moments?"

"Actually I was thinking of selling it to Skeeter just for profit. Don't be ridiculous Ron."

"See crying hasn't chipped your charming personality a bit."

"Just get in the pensieve and watch."

"Just listening to Harry twice was enough for me, thank you."

"So, can I have it back now?"

"Yeah, Harry. You can. What the world would be without you chasing the wrong people after all?"

"I don't believe you. You're still on it? After what you saw?"

"More now than before actually. Wanna hear me out, or you have more Potion Masters to Crucio?"

"That was in defence, I'll have you know!"

"You cast Crucio on Snape? Go, mate."

"I was merely defending myself. What did you want me to cast? Tantallegra?"

"He was trying to save your hide and you cast Crucio? Repeatedly? I can see you becoming a fine supplement to the Order. Someone had to take Sirius' place after all."

"Now 'Mione that was a bit harsh…"

"No, Ron. Let her finish. Get all your spite out Hermione. What is it? In love with Malfoy? Or Snape maybe? Fascinated by the Dark Arts like they both are? Restricted section not good for your advanced learning abilities any more?"

"Now, guys. This is getting out of hand. Really!"

"At least I don't trust dog-eared textbooks to tell me how to fair my life. Twice."

You could cut silence with a knife. In large stodgy pieces. Ron kept casting cursory glances from one to the other, waiting for either to burst with a new set of malevolent retorts. This had never happened before. It was his place to bicker with Hermione. Usually over trivial little nothings that could escalate to silent weeks in a row. But they always worked it out.

Nothing like that though. He would make fun of her and call her a know-it-all freak but never gone as far as imply that she could turn against them in search of new reading material. And she would call him a thick-headed chimpanzee but never blatantly point out previous mistakes in such a painful way.

Well, Weasleys were infamous for their conciliatory techniques, weren't they? At least Molly Weasley was. Praying he had inherited at least a bit, Ron made a try patching things up.

"So Hermione, how would you like to read us your notes? I'm sure Harry will see your point, once he boils down."

"Sure. It runs in his family to do so, after all. Both his father and godfather were legendary for their judgemental call."

Ron merely caught a glimpse of Harry turning parchment white and resisting raising his hand to hit her. He instinctively moved between the two, feeling all the hate in the world radiating from green emerald eyes inches away from his own. Harry could become really formidable if he so choose. And Ron would never wish to be at the receiving end of it again, even if it only lasted a split second before his shaking-with-rage friend decided to storm out of the room. Several minutes later you could still hear the door threatening to bounce off its hinges.

Still shaken by their antics, Ron Weasley wisely chose to pamper the less fearsome of his friends for the time being.

"What has gotten into you 'Mione?"

"What has gotten into ME? Did you actually see what happened? He was ready to Crucio me, this time."

"Slap you, looked more like. But you provoked him 'Mione. You know how touchy he's when it comes to his family. And what in the Merlin's louses has gotten into you to bring up Sirius?"

"Don't you see, he's just like him? Arrogant little bastard, treating everyone trying to save his pity ass with as much disdain as both Sirius and his father did."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I know fully well what I'm talking about. Last year, when you were submitting yourself to Gred's and Forge's pioneering experimentations, I was busy chatting to Remus. You can't even imagine what Snape had to put up with. Remus might dearly love his friends but he can still see what they did to Snape."

"They were merely kids, making fun of each other."

"They tried to bloody kill him Ron. That's not a definition of fun even in the most blood-thirsty cannibal tribe's dictionary."

"It was a joke."

"A joke? They were all able animagi, luring some poor unsuspected soul to a werewolf's lair on the night of his transformation, and you think of it as a joke? You can't see it, but I assure you that I'm laughing on the inside."

"Are we still talking about the same poor soul that invented Sectumsempra?"

"He had to defend himself somehow."

"'Mione, are you even close to realising that you're losing it? You're actually defending Snape?"

"At least I have reasons to do so. Didn't you notice that even when Snape told everyone about Remus, Remus still tried to make excuses for him? Don't you wonder why Remus is the only one, besides Dumbledore, totally trusting Snape?"

"Yeah, but Snape hates him even so."

"He bloody well knows it. That's why he trusts him. To be strong enough to overcome childhood hate in order to protect people that ruined your life, is really an enviable merit of character. And Remus kneels before Snape for that."

"Don't be such a melodrama queen. Malfoy kept making your life hell, but he didn't ruin it, did he?"

"I had you guys. Snape had his one and only friend snatched away from him to become James Potter trophy wife."

"Harry's mum was Snape's girlfriend? Backtrack. Backtrack. Snape had a girlfriend?"

"According to Remus it was just a platonic friendship. But the only one Snape had."

"So Snape hates all four of them for stealing his only friend?"

"They were torturing him Ron. The Marauder's map was primarily made to pin point Snape's location so they could set booby traps for him. Didn't you wonder why it was so eager to insult Snape, when it had done no such thing to the rest of us?"

"Well, we knew the password."

"Wrong again. Every password with a mischievous hint in it is being accepted by the map. Original was: One, two, three: help me make Snape flee. That's what they were trying to do. Make him either quit the school out of mere embarrassment or get him expelled."

"They can't have been that mean…"

"It's Remus' tale, not Snape's. It can't be biased. I don't even want to imagine Snape's view on all of these."

"Not a saint himself, either. It's not like he ever tried to hide his aversion to the Marauders. Or if he did, he was outstandingly lousy at it."

"Was he now? Snape was forced to work with Remus for a whole year. Not to mention provide his nemesis with a potion that takes 3 weeks to prepare on a monthly basis. After that he's being asked to join a previously alleged dead Pettigrew in Death Eater's escapades. To top it all he almost blows his cover to save Sirius. And if you ever decide to get into the pensieve you'll see him saving your idiotic friend's pity ass the night Dumbledore died, more than twice. Only thing next to happen, is James Potter coming back from the dead to have Snape butter his morning toast."

"I didn't think of all that…"

"Well, I did. And I needed the pensieve to see if the man finally snapped, like he rightfully should."

"Did he?"

"He didn't Ron. If you watch closely you'll see that even at the last moment he was fighting to keep both Malfoy and Harry alive."

"Humph. Not that we couldn't spare Malfoy."

"No, Ron, damnable as Malfoy's actions are, his motives are noble."

"Of course, pureblood domination. First priority over the right to be alive."

"Just take a look at it. Watch it and then we can talk."

Ron was still hesitant at the suggestion. He had no desire to watch Dumbledore breathe his last. It was enough hearing about it. Twice. Before Hermione's 3rd-grade questioning. And Harry's truth-serum-eagerness to reciprocate with all the gory details. He knew that the images would chase him for the rest of his life, and what with Bill's condition and the fight they put in order to block the Death Eaters he had more than enough, thank you. Nightmares about the night at the Ministry could stand their ground without any further enrichment.

But Hermione thought he really should. Past experience proved she was rarely wrong when so steadfastly insisting on something. And Ron had learned to trust her. A small part even feared her. Not that said small part would be ever caught alive admitting as much.

With a faint sigh he dipped head first into the silver blurry tendrils of the memory Harry had entrusted them with.

When he emerged several minutes later, he felt like their last conversation was a lifetime away.

"So?"

"I would have done it."

"Done what?"

"Kill Dumbledore. I mean not Dumbledore, but if Dumbledore was to Malfoy, what Malfoy is to me, I would have done it. And I wouldn't falter. I would have gone all the way through with it. If it was my family at stake... I would have."

"That's what I though. I'm not sure if I could put an end to it, but I would have tried nevertheless."

"Nah, you're not capable of it. You would have shake and trembled more than Mr. Malfunction did. Do you reckon that if we kept the rest of them downstairs, he would have surrendered?"

"I'm sure of it. Dumbledore was sure of it as well."

"So, why did Snape took action?"

"I think Dumbledore asked him to. With everyone up there, it was a lost cause. If either Malfoy or Snape didn't kill him, then the rest of them would. And if Snape showed reluctance like Malfoy did, he would have blown his cover. The Order would have lost its only insider and all Malfoys would have turned up murdered."

"So that's why Dumbledore died? To save Malfoy and his family from being killed? To save the Malfoys?"

"It's clever if you think about it. Now Malfoy owes both Snape and Dumbledore. Maybe it's never late for redemption."

"So, you really think, Dumbledore made Snape promise that if bad came to worse, he should kill him?"

"They both knew all along. You watched Dumbledore telling Malfoy that he knew. He didn't confront him for fear of his life. They let him to his own devices even though they knew he had a good chance to succeed."

"They knew about me and Katie, all right. But that still doesn't justify Dumbledore not defending himself. He died with no more dignity than a cockroach being splashed on the floor by a heavy wellington boot."

"On the contrary. He died with all the dignity he could master. If innate magic really kicked in, he held it back. If he let it take reign, he would have to put both Malfoy and Snape to prison."

"But he would still be alive."

"He always perceived death as a new experience, a journey into the unknown. And his judgement instructed that his death would be more of use to us. No one can question Snape's allegiances now. Dumbledore turned him into the key player to the final battle."

"You seem utterly convinced about it. What if Harry's right? I don't say he's, but what if? Isn't there the slightest chance that Snape's Avada Kedavra caught Dumbledore unaware?"

"Doesn't it seem a tad too coincidental that he had just enough time to transfuse all his knowledge and suspicions about you-know-who into the only person that stands a chance fighting him? Dumbledore was infamous for chipping in unverified reservations. Why did he feel the pressure to do it now? When he kept Harry in the dark for years?"

"Maybe last year's disastrous consequences finally caught up with him?"

"Or maybe he saw it as his last chance to redeem himself in the eyes of his protégée."

"Convicting Snape at the same time. Mum says the Order had a major split up over Snape. Moody demanded his head on a silver plate and has half the Order head hunting for him."

"I bet Remus leads the opposition."

"That's left for you to do. There's no opposition. Just one or two people doubting facts the way they were when Dumbledore tried to convince them Snape was on our side."

"Do I have your vote of confidence in this?"

"Nah. You know me. Always bowing in front of your Excellency. Wish Harry would listen to logic."

"I bet he'd listen to you."

"'Cause I can break his skull open and drip logic inside?"

"Catch him off guard. Ask him why would Dumbledore give Snape DADA if he knew it was jinxed to last no more than a year."

"Lovely argument. I'll go with the skull breaking."


	3. stating facts

Chapter 3 – Stating facts

"Feeling any better?"

"Why of course. If someone pointed out that you suck (along with your family of course) you'd be over it in a matter of minutes, wouldn't you?"

"She didn't say that. She just called you strong-minded."

"Hey, kettle, I'm pot. You're black."

"Well, you can both be particularly stubborn at times. You didn't get out of your way to spare her feelings, either."

"Really? Did my back hurt her knife?"

"When someone shows you the moon, don't look at their pointing finger."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did my feelings get in the way of her love declaration? Did I accidentally cut her oath of endless love to Malfoy and Snape in half?"

"Right! Giving me the mental image of 'Mione with either of them is something I'll easily be able to sweep under my mental carpet. In 20 years time. With daily sessions at St. Mungo's."

"You can always think of it as a threesome."

"Yuck, mate! That's even more disgusting than Filch shagging Mrs. Norris."

"Nothing is worse than that."

"How about Goyle shagging Bullstrode?"

"You promised to never bring that up again. Witnessing it once was enough to shred my retinas for life."

"Owed you one. Now, if you're done with the sulking, why don't we go find 'Mione?"

"I'm not talking to her."

"Look, I know this is your way of dealing with things, but do you reckon you can speed up the process just for once? We have a war to fight and we don't stand a chance without her."

"Is that so? Since when?"

"Since ever. I'm the strategy, you're the instincts, and she's the brains. It will take all three of us to face you-know-who and his clang. Dumbledore believed so…"

"Oh, for pity's shake. Every time you can't win an argument you bring up either Sirius or Dumbledore. You're so pathetic."

"I might. But it works miracles. Every time."

"Look Ron, seriously. I don't have the faintest interest in listening to her standing up for Snape. It was well and good when she did so to mollycoddle Neville, but I'm not blind. I saw Snape killing Dumbledore and nothing she does or says can change my mind."

"We also saw Crouch in the Marauder's map."

""Wh… what Crouch has to do with this?"

"We used facts we already knew about in order to interpret Crouch's sudden appearance at the map. We never thought twice about it."

"But how the hell should we surmise that his son had never died?"

"That's her point Harry. You can only surmise. You can't be dead sure about it. You don't have all evidence available. You assume one thing, she assumes another."

"So, you're with her in this?"

"No, you big git! I only play the in-between. While her theory sounds totally alien to me, it might have some merits. At least grant her the benefit of doubt."

"Her or Snape? 'Cause, I have no doubts regarding Snape. I hate him. He hates me. It's simple as broad daylight."

"Harry, I saw what happened. He had the chance to kill you and he passed."

"Next time see closer. It was under Voldemort's explicit orders. He didn't spare me out of magnanimity."

"You don't get it, do you? I'm not siding up with either of you. Given the facts I believe exactly what you do. But when I hear Hermione offering another scenario, I don't turn a blind eye. Hear her out before you damn her."

"Please convey my most heartfelt apologies to her majesty, but I'm not in the mood right now."

"Fine. What are you in the mood for? You wanna go for a ride?"

"Out in the vast fields surrounding this rotten place?"

"Three Broomsticks to grab a butterbeer?"

"Can't apparate yet, as you bloody well know."

"One-to-one quick Quidditch game in the big hall?"

"Your mum is still here."

"Game of chess?"

"Another massacre, you mean?"

"Exploding Snap?"

"Sure, 'cause Sirius' mum has been awfully quiet for the last couple of hours. Why don't we move it under her portrait and invite Tonks as well?"

"Fine. I give up. What do you wanna do?"

"Find out who the hell R.A.B. is."

"Who has rabies?"

"R-A-B as in the one that signed the locket's note R.A.B."

"Ah, that one. Well my muse tells me that he's probably dead already…"

"Your _muse_? Which one? Euterpe or Melpomene?"

"Terpsichore. Satisfied? As I was saying the guy is daisy-pushing for a while now, so we can look through Prophet's obituaries of the last, say 50 years?"

"Which will only take us 50 years."

"Sorry, did I hear any better suggestion forthcoming?"

"No. I gave Calliope the day off. Isn't there any neat search spell to go through texts without actually reading them?"

"Well, if there is, I know of only one person that might have heard of it. Want me to introduce you to Hermione Granger? Good friend of mine. Used to go to school together. We were inseparable. There was this other guy as well. Harry Potter was the name. You may have heard of him. He ended up spending his life alone over some futile search of horcruxes, 'cause he sent all his friends away."

"Do you think she might know how to customise such a spell?"


	4. sucking up where you peed

Chapter 4 – Sucking up where you peed

"Hi, there beautiful, got your knight in the shining armour back for you."

"Hermione."

"Harry."

"Now, guys, I know you're past kindergarten but least you could do is apologise to each other. This name-acknowledging reminds me too strongly of Percy and my father. Only words they exchange is a sour acid 'Percy' matched by an equally dry-as-a-bone arctic 'Father'."

"Look, to clear things out once and for all. I didn't come back here to fight over Snape. Hermione is free to believe that Snape is a misunderstood St. Francis of Assisi, a disorientated reincarnation of Maria Teresa or whatever she so chooses. As long as she doesn't try to convince me, I can wave it aside."

"Oh, Harry! Are you sure, you can grant me that much generosity of spirit? I wouldn't want to take advantage of your kindness."

"Guys! Knock it off already!"

"Why Ron? One-dimensional assessments are always the most reliable crutch for stranded wizards. Aren't they dear Harry?"

"Comparing to those refusing to let the scales fall from their eyes, Hermione darling?"

"Can I cut this witty retorts contest of yours short? We have work to do."

"Of course. We have Snape to hunt down. Malfoy to submit to medieval tortures. Revenge to seek. How did I ever forget?"

"Easily enough. You never lost anyone you loved. The only understanding you have of the word 'revenge' is how to properly spell it. Same goes to the majority of your vocabulary. Words like alliance, trust and betrayal seem to have the exact opposite meaning to you. Not to mention the meaning of the phrase cold blood murder."

"O.K. guys. No snappy comebacks for the next 10 minutes. Think you can manage? Harry?"

"Yeah."

"Hermione?"

"Fine."

"Nice. Now, Hermione here believes, there might be a chance Dumbledore asked Snape to kill him rather than blow his cover…"

"Did he also ask him to become a Death Eater and kill my parents?"

"She also believes Malfoy was about to give in."

"I'm about to give in to the temptation of killing you every morning you wake me up by throwing quaffles to my bedroom's door. But I don't."

"Harry, on the other hand believes that intentions don't count as evidence of innocence and that I should rather sing him a lullaby when he doesn't get his lazy arse out of bed at 10 in the morning."

"Try knocking on the door like a normal wizard."

"The wood will wear thin in a week and my fingers will grow calluses. Now back to where we were, Hermione also thinks that next time you come across Snape or Malfoy junior, you give them a descent chance of revealing themselves before throwing any curses their way."

"You got me lost on that last one."

"Kill first, ask questions later? Favourite practice of yours? Don't do it. There's a chance they're on our side."

"Hermione, don't help! I'll do the explaining. Your part is non-verbal during act number III."

"So sorry. Thought we were still rehearsing number II."

"Smartass. Now, Harry, I don't mean you risk your life. Just give them a head warning. It might not turn against us after all."

"It surely didn't in Dumbledore's case. He's just six feet under, warm and cosy with no worries puzzling his brain."

"He got lucky. He doesn't have to fight you-know-who any more. You on the other hand, do us a favour and just keep it at the back of your mind."

"I don't get it, Ron. How did she fast-talk you into this…balderdash? Were there any sexual favours involved? Because I am surely not equipped with the means for a countstrike."

"You still have a mouth Harry, but it's usually too busy vomiting insults to be occupied with anything more productive."

"Hermione don't forget yourself and swallow your saliva. You'll get yourself poisoned."

"Guys, you promised to keep it civilised. Harry, there were no sexual favours involved. Hermione, I wouldn't mind the least if there were, so keep it in mind if you ever run out of arguments. And once more, once again, both your theories are logical, well founded and stand equal chances to mirror the reality. To me they're totally absurd, but that's another story altogether."

"Oh, so you have a better one?"

"I wouldn't go as far as calling it better, but it's at least a more down-to-earth one."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Look. Snape doesn't strike me as the saint in disguise guy. And past experience has proven that he's not totally evil either. If I was to take a wild guess I'd say he plays both sides and waits for the winner to side up with. He's way too smart to take sides and arrogant enough to believe that even at the very last minute he'll be able to abandon ship and emerge victorious."

"That's pure wickedness."

"That's pure Snape."

"That's pure me finally managing to get both your attention…"


	5. Getting down to work

Chapter 5 – Getting down to work

"Our little Hermione's turn now."

"Can't wait. Oh, Won-Won, you're so good at this. I really need to ask where you studied how to talk to adults like they're 5-year-olds?"

"Let me feign temporarily deafness and go on. Harry here thinks there might be a search spell that can be customised to look for RAB initials in any text. Do you think you can work on that?"

"Even if I come up with such a spell, where do we go try it? He or she might be a common wizard, never mentioned in a history book."

"We thought of looking into Prophet's obituaries, Hogwarts' register or any vestry-book MoM might be keeping."

"You suggest that we sneak into the Ministry and go through their innumerable files under what pretence exactly?"

"Looking for my dad?"

"'Cause we all resemble sweet little toddlers that can easily get lost inside a filing cabinet?"

"'Mione, we'll get the way. Can you ple-a-se provide the means?"

"Ron, even if I could cook something up, it would be too draining for a single person. Such spells require at least too fully-fledged wizards to sustain the…"

"So what? Are you afraid we'll chicken out and leave you cast the spell all by yourself?"

"I knew a brainwave of yours would hit me right in the forehead any minute now, Harry. You've been quiet for so long, that you must have been thinking something as brilliant as the line you just delivered."

"Stop bickering! Hermione, all Harry means is that we could all cast it together."

"Of course! 'Cause you both managed nonverbal spells so quickly that joint casting is totally beneath you."

"Fred and George do it all the time. How hard can it be?"

"Ron, your cheeks still get the colour of a monkey's ass every time you try to cast a nonverbal leviosa. Nonverbals are a prerequisite for joint casting. It's 7th-grade's agenda."

"You can't blame me for not knowing it then, can you?"

"Can't congratulate you either!"

"So be it. We'll ask Fred and George do it."

"Being blood related to Ron doesn't mean you can boss them around as well Harry."

"He doesn't boss me around! But you're right, twins won't be easily swayed."

"They'll do it. They owe me one. All you have to do is find the spell."

And so it went. A whole Flourish and Blotts' section was relocated into Hermione's chambers (under Harry's generous sponsorship) and it was a matter of hours before both young wizards found themselves unceremoniously thrown out by a particularly irate witch that showed no appreciation to the fine art of making kites out of blank parchments. While they were denied access until further notice into Hermione's sanctuary, Ron found a way to mellow Harry down. He was still far from dealing with any Snape related theories, but at least he didn't want to throttle Hermione any more. Maybe the lack of any actual contact between the two alleviated things a bit. Hours turned into days, days into a week and that dutifully into a fortnight before Hermione resurfaced.

Spending 15 days buried under heavy tomes did nothing to improve her demeanour, but fortunately Harry was too happy to notice. The spell was ready for the twins who graciously volunteered to exchange Hermione's notes with a chance to test some of their most recent inventions trespassing the Ministry. A mere six hours later they returned trudging along enough reading material to last the trio-magic a month, divulging no more details of their success than the sole fact that they had to use all three boxes of self-inking quills that Hermione had charmed to record the results of her innovative spell.

"O.K. I might have a possible candidate here. Listen up: Ramon Amadeus Bronx born 1932 in Minsk, ex-Durmstrang Professor called by the Ministry to train Aurors on blood wards breaking. Worked here from 1965 till 1969. Father of three. Died 1979 in a Death Eaters' attack that wiped off his whole family."

"Valid. Add him on the list."

"Oh, come on Harry. How comes and Hermione gets Bronx? At least grant me Ramada Angelica Bright, Ministry's Beauty Contest Winner for 3 successive years, 1973 to 1975…"

"Ron, for the umpteenth time we're looking for someone who can be even remotely related to Voldemort. What he and that Ramilda of yours might have in common?"

"Well, for starters it's Ramada. And she had to be an absolute hottie to win three times in a row. She might have caught you-know-who's eye at some point."

"That's even weaker than Rialto Alexander Breathings having accidentally shot a bludger on…."

"Guys?"

"Well your Raymond Arsenius Botherin who was 179 years old the day Voldemort was born wasn't any better, was he?"

"GUYS?"

"Yeah, yeah, we know our way out…"

"Regulus Amicus Black!"

"What's up with Sirius' bro?"

"Born 1961. Died 1980. Known Death Eater activity. Didn't survive long enough to stand trial. Death cause: Avada Kedavra. Death details: undisclosed. For further info authorisation needed by the Department of the Unspeakables."

"Please be kidding. You don't suggest he's our RAB?"

"We know for sure he was a Death Eater. We know Voldemort killed him. Only think missing is why."

"She has a point, Harry. If the Unspeakables were in the middle of this, then there's definitely something fishy."

"Oh, come on you guys. Just because you recognised a name, doesn't mean we have our suspect. We're not even halfway through the records, not to mention we still have Hogwarts and Prophet to..."

"Will you ever stop being so negative? Just because you didn't think about it, doesn't mean…"

"Is that Sirius mum wrecking havoc again?"

"I'd say it's yours calling us for dinner."

"I'm hungry enough to eat the giant squid raw and wreathing right now and I bet that smell is…"

"A reason to get moving, cause your mum is bound to resurrect the real Mrs. Black from the dead if we don't."

Sorry for the delay in updating. Too busy whoopee-ing for I have reviews! ears still buzzing from setting off tons of fireworks Slaughter me or love me, I don't care as long as I have them coming. I love you people. You make my day.


	6. Gathering intelligence

Chapter 6 – Gathering intelligence

"Mrs. Weasley that was brilliant. I don't know how you manage to keep two households together, but if Hogwarts was ever to dismiss the elves, I bet you could easily rule the castle as well."

"Well, waking up in the wee hours does help a lot. Having you bathing me with compliments each and every time I provide you with a descent meal doesn't go amiss either."

"Harry you don't need to suck up to mum. She's already married, she can't award any house points and she already promised the last piece of that mouth-watering brownie -the one submerged in the delicious hot chocolate sauce- to her beloved son."

"Said beloved son should better start taking lessons from his friends or he's bound to end up starving."

"You find another guy more charming than your own flesh and blood? Chk, chk, mothers! You raise them to have them charmed away by the first random wizard."

"Has anyone seen Professor Lupin recently?"

"Ah, our starry-eyed fairy finally joined the living. Accidentally landed on the wrong timeline though, 'cause she still calls Remus a Professor."

"Soon to be both starving and friendless son of mine, leave Hermione be. No honey, but it won't be long. Tonks is all dressed up so he must be on his way. Is there something you wanted to check with him?"

"Well, not in particular. It's just so long since we last had dinner all together…"

"Hermione, you might be a clever witch, but you still have to work on your pretext."

"What? How do you mean?"

"Oh, you think you can fool me? You weren't exactly discreet with all those owls commuting back and forth from Flourish and Blotts. You've been sneaking around for a month now, all three of you. I was exceptionally gifted in the defence spells myself so if there's anything I can help you with…"

"Mum what in Merlin's name are you talking about?"

"I would be blind if I didn't notice that you've been trying to reform DA."

"DA? Who told you that rubbish?"

"Oh, come on, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm glad that some of Hermione's studying-during-summer finally rubbed off on you."

"But, mum we were…"

A kick, a bruise, a yelp and some explaining later, while Mrs. Weasley was being thoroughly reassured by the boys that they weren't practising anything too life-threatening, Hermione took the freshly arrived Remus aside to have a quick word before Tonks could snatch him away. Even though only a rabid harpy was more terrifying than Tonks not being alerted the minute Remus stepped in the house, the intelligence Hermione ended up with was worth the young auror's wrath.

"Well of course he was curious, but I chose not to elaborate."

"You could always tell him."

"I clearly remember Dumbledore advising you against telling anyone besides us about the horcruxes, Harry."

"Oh, come on 'Mione. It's Remus, not Snape. I could tell him anything."

"We didn't tell my brothers, why should we tell Remus?"

"We tell no one, end of the story. Even if you unconditionally trust them, keep in mind that there are countless ways to force the truth out of reluctant wizards."

"Remus would never betray us."

"His current company knows no ethical bounds, so lest they suspect him, he should know as few as possible. Order's rule no 7. Now will you finally shut it and listen?"

"Lest we wanna hear you recite whole Order's almanac by heart?"

"Regulus Amicus Black was rumoured to have been romantically involved with a Samantha Prince– some ten years his senior. Presumably she was the one convincing him to walk away from you-know-who. She was killed. Regulus held you-know-who personally responsible and was irrational enough to seek revenge. Never made it. He was killed shortly after his beloved one, no one being the wiser as to the circumstances."

"Prince? Like in half-blood Prince?"

"Professor Lupin didn't know if they were related. Was particularly shocked at me knowing Snape's maiden name so didn't pursue it any further."

"We could always ask Kreacher. I mean, if she was a Prince, she was a pureblood, so chances are that Mrs. Black was aware of her existence. She might have babbled something to the elf."

"And he'll be eager to help why?"

"Harry will order him to."

"He's masterful in circumventing the truth. Didn't you see the crap he gave me on Malfoy? I say we force-feed him Veritaserum."

"Now Harry, have some mercy for my poor little ears. There's little more I can take on elves' rights right now."

"I've never brew it."

"Who are you and what have you done to the actual Hermione Granger? No lecture on suppressed creatures' civil rights, no thesis on brewing illegal potions?"

"I'll need a few ingredients that are best hand-picked than owl-delivered, so we'll have to find an excuse to visit a descent apothecary."

"Or have the twins do it."

"Just how much do they owe you exactly?"

"I didn't get to ask them to repay me the favour. You gave them your notes in exchange for the Ministry break in."

"They'll get nosy."

"I've been living with those guys for 16 years now. They might be more snooping than a niffler but they are more taciturn than a sphinx when it comes down to secrets."


	7. Revelations

Chapter 7 – Revelations

"I can't believe it. Dumbledore must be opening holes banging his head on the sides of his coffin right now."

"Ron ever heard of what befalls to those disrespecting the dead?"

"Oh, come on 'Mione don't you just see the irony of it? It was in front of us all along. If Dumbledore had just helped us clean up the drawing room, he would have recognised it at once and spared the…"

"If that locket had a form, it would be seating down lotus style smoking a large hookah laughing its head off through the glass-fronted cabinet with the incompetent fools we make."

"Enough with the self-castigation performance boys. Harry we might be needing some more books."

"Why doesn't he just buy you the whole Flourish and Blotts 'Mione? It will come cheaper than owl-ordering it piece by piece."

"We might be needing something less innocent than what they have for sale."

"I'm sure Borgin and Burkes runs an owl delivery service. I bet they sent complimentary lollipops along with every order above 20 galleons. Of course it's your responsibly to curse-proof your owl."

"Oh, you're so not funny."

"Am I now? How do you suggest we get the books?"

"The twins?"

"They don't owe me their soul, you know. They already paid me back the interest for the following 200 years when they kept watch outside the Shrieking Shack."

"I wish I could be there. I'd love to see that foul creature squirm."

"And who would keep your mum busy?"

"Ron, can't you switch to a non sadist, non morbid mode for a chance?"

"Should I remind you of the times that thing called you mudblood scum?"

"I'm half way through forgiving him right now. If Kreacher hadn't smuggled half the things we were throwing away and kept them safe in his boiler cupboard room…"

"…we would have to hunt down the person Mundungus Fletcher sold the locket to."

"Point is we have it. Problem is we can't pry it open. Solution is we get some books to tell us how."

"Oh, first we brew illicit potions and now we're ready to delve into illicit books? One hundred percent Hermione Granger here."

"Why don't you ask Remus have a go?"

"First of all it's silver. Secondly Sirius already tried last year and failed. And thirdly, we already agreed on not bringing anyone else into this."

"What about Bill?"

"Do you think Fleur would be particularly grateful if we sent your brother to St. Mungo's second time in a row, first being less than two months ago?"

"He survived. Not to mention everyone has been treating him like a war hero ever since. And to top it all, mum is at his constant beck and call. Last time she made me a truffle tart, Dead Sea was still sick and she's building Bill, Hansel and Gretel's candy castle on a daily basis. 'Would you like some apple-pie Bill?' 'Not really mum, I'm not in the mood.' Liberally translated into several slices hidden under four scoops of ice-cream covered with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. But no cherry on the top. He's on a diet."

Alas, nor Bill neither the twins were able to suggest any respectable course of action. They merely confirmed the fact that the locket was so heavily warded that only a wizard with deep practical knowledge of the Dark Arts could venture a try without endangering body parts or mental sanity on the way. Bill suggested a senior curse breaker at Gringotts, notion quickly dismissed judging by said wizard's current allegiances. Remus was of little help as he couldn't even come close to it. He offered various books that studied ancient wards on an academic level but gave no actual hindsight. Only the twins didn't seem to fall for the story of Hermione living up to the challenge of breaking into it just out of summer boredom, but they didn't pester her about it.

All four wizards though, independently agreed that had Albus still been alive or Snape still on their side, Hermione would have to seek out embroidery or mosaic making for a challenging hobby to keep herself occupied. Fact that gave Hermione Granger an idea. Idea that respectfully gave Ronald Weasley a headache. Which funnily gave Harry Potter peace of mind as he was kept totally ignorant of the actual conspiracy.


	8. Reaching out for the big bad wolf

Chapter 8 – Reaching out for the big bad wolf

"Hermione-prudence-was-once-my-middle-name-Granger how about carting you into St. Mungo's this very minute? I'll save them the trouble of trying to detach itsy-bitchy-teeny-weeny little 'Mione-pieces from all over the furniture and..."

"You always see the glass half empty, Ron."

"Statistics say that one in 3 people is mentally ill. So check your friends and if two of them seem okay, you're the one."

"Oh, stuff it. The plan is perfect. Why can't you just go along with it?"

"Enjoying empty casket funerals is somewhat of an acquired taste. I'm not that far sophisticated as of yet but if you'll give me time I'll get used to it."

"Melodramatic as always, Ron. Nothing will go wrong, you'll see."

"As a ghost from up above?"

"I'm not asking you to tag along. I just want you to cover for me while I'm gone."

"Might that be an hour or eternity?"

"Look, whatever you say, I'm going. Snape's our only chance."

"To end up both dead and mutilated? Is that your best try to steal Harry's thunder?"

"I've changed my mind."

"About high time too. Does the new work any better?"

"I've changed my mind about confiding in you, Ron. I put too much thought and effort into this to back out at the last minute. Besides, it's all your fault. If you and Harry hadn't helped me fight that troll, I'd probably be in some library napping over Professor Bin's variorum right now. You turned me into an adrenalin junkie, addicted to pointless risks, mortal peril, inevitable doom and the like. Every time I join a rehabilitation program, either you or Harry will come up with a new brilliant plan to have us all killed. Now it's my turn."

"Herein lies Hermione Granger, may she rest in pieces."

"Worst case scenario, he'll mock me and send me home crying. Nothing I'm not already used to. Look at the bright side. He can't assign detentions any more."

"I feel so sorry for your little brain, all alone in that great big head. The man's been warning you off from the very first minute. What more do you need? Pink flashing owls?"

"Read those letters again, won't you?"

"Take your advice and read them yourself. Removing your blinkers first if you please."

"Okay. The first one I sent: _In dire need of help. -The boomslang's filcher. The one with the whiskers. _Stating loud and clear who I am and what I want."

"And taking special care of not being mistaken for either me or Harry. And he responds with? Behold my dear 'cause thou shall be mine?"

"Can't blame him for being cautious, can you?"

"Read his response 'Mione."

"_More in need of a mental institution if I'm any judge. Highly recommend St Stephan Day Care for Wizards and Witches with Special Needs. By far the best. -The one that could easily brew a cure but strongly declined._"

"If that's not off-putting, what is? Any normal person would have gotten the message. But no, not you."

"He was just testing waters. What did you expect him to do? Apparate into my room and offer roses? How could he be sure of the true identity of the messenger?"

"Hardly anyone knew about the missing ingredients and no one would put two and two together to link it to you turning into a cat even if the owl got intercepted by you-know-who himself. I grant you the code is brilliant. But the whole idea's still ludicrous."

"If he's not willing to help why does he bother replying?"

"'Cause you keep harassing him. Read your next one and you'll see what I mean."

"_Lesson learned. Assistance needed to avoid repeating past mistakes. Please help. _I'm practically begging him. He can't ignore that."

"He tries very hard not to take advantage of it and you keep pushing him further. How much more can a man take? Much to my astonishment, he tries to spare you once more. Read on."

"_Objective of lesson being chewing no more than you can swallow, I suspect you're choking to death just out of sheer aptitude? I'd love to teach you the price of taking uncalculated risks but I'm out of form since I quitted my day-job._"

"Is it coming through? He painted you a blinking portrait. What more should he write for you to understand? He just told you he changed sides. Stay out of his way or you're in harm's way."

"Why would he set a meeting then? To finish me off?"

"Just like he said, to teach you a lesson. You're way out of your league 'Mione. Don't go."

"He got into the trouble of finding out when my birthday is and calculated the time-turner's usage just out of spite?"

"You openly provoked him. _Will be lenient on your lack of practice. Please set a date._ Do you think you're pen paling with a Hufflepuff?"

"It worked though: _Your wizarding birthday. Noon. Don't make a social event out of it._ I'm a master in peaking curiosity and manipulating…"

"You're a dead master ever since the mere thought of rivalling Severus Snape crossed your mind. The smell of your decaying body hasn't reached your nostrils yet."

"For Helga's sake, I'm only meeting with him. If he doesn't want to help it's fine."

"You'll be fined. With death penalty. That irrevocable state of being cold and stiff till the end of time?"

"I think we've already established that he has no reason to kill me. What could he possibly gain?"

"Regardless his motivation, allegiances, deep sense of nobility and rest of crap, the man is a bloody murderer. What makes you believe that in case of an emergency he'll guard your life over his? What if one of his friends turns up?"

"We're meeting in bloody Zurich. Last I heard Switzerland wasn't roaming with astray Death Eaters. It took me two days to locate this godforsaken Day Care of his."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Satisfaction brought her back."

"Let's momentarily agree that he's the knight in the shining armor gone spy to help the greater cause, yada, yada, yada. Do you take you-know-who for a fool? He's bound to have someone watch over Snape's shoulder 24/7. If a 17-year-old witch was able to discern that Dumbledore was too easily exterminated, imagine what a fully fledged Dark Lord thinks about."

"That Dumbledore is a trusting old barmy."

"Exactly! And you-know-who isn't. He's been avoiding a direct face to face confrontation with Dumbledore for years and one of his cronies just swipes him off the map? Not even bearing as much as a shaving cut? Raises too many questions. He might not have the answers but he's forced to tiptoe around that dear Professor of ours."

"So, I'll be on the lookout for any uninvited sidekick leech. Happy?"

"Why of course. Totally thrilled! Look out for the one sporting the scarlet T-shirt with the five-feet bright yellow heading that reads 'Ware! Lower form of nark!'. He'll also be holding hands with Snape so there's no way you can miss him. So good to know you'll be safe."

"Do you reckon I need more than an hour to apparate all the way to Switzerland?_"_

"No, but you'll need more than Harry's Gringott's account to reapply once you get your apparition license revoked. It takes at least three long distance apparitions to reach Zurich and another three to return. You're entitled to five a day. You'll either have to stay overnight or return by muggle means. Same goes to the great connoisseur that set the date half a continent away. Don't you find it the least spooky that by the time you arrive, you'll be so drained that you won't even be able to properly cast a scourgify?"

"I won't be needing it. I'm not using any floo. Is there anything else?"

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A/N: Since this monster of a story (a supposedly one-shot) is getting out of hand as of this chapter, some feedback would be greatly appreciated. Should I keep it going or wrap it up? Million thanks to all of you for reading it and zillion to those taking the time to review.


	9. Meeting with the devil

Chapter 9 – Meeting with the devil

"I don't believe you actually convinced me not to tell Harry."

"We've been over that. Here help me with the cloak."

"Wonder how you manage to get into one, when I'm not around. I guess same guy that opens all your pickle jars and gets stuff down from the high selves, helps you out."

"If I'm not back by tomorrow midnight, please start considering that those were your last words to me."

"Nice touch. All dark and gloomy already. You'll definitely blend in."

"He might be over it now he's not teaching dunderheads all day long."

"Ah, the hidden virtues of a fallen angel."

"Oh, snap out of it. If I'm right, I'm offering him a chance to redeem himself. If you're right I'm giving him the chance to score some points for our side to balance those earned for the bad guys. Either way I'll come back home in one unscathed piece."

"For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny."

Three pops and several lengthy talks with stern immigration wizards later, Hermione Granger managed to land outside St Stephan's Day Care without injury, though she certainly wouldn't have won any awards for form. The place certainly looked much more wrecked than the picture she managed to dig up, so no one could blame her for lack of landing style. Well, a certain someone could, but he didn't seem to be as punctual. At least she had a chance to spot the new heavy Muggle-Repelling charms that altered the already abominable appearance of the building and the surrounding area. There were hardly any passers-by, a faded green bus, couple of cars, and a bicyclist waiting for the traffic light to turn green. Some poor kid at the corner was practically begging him to take one of his flyers.

_Well, if I was you I'd rather pick a busier neighbourhood to promote my… whatever it is you are advertising. _

As Hermione kept pacing up and down her part of the pavement she rather must have given the impression of a bored stood up young lady 'cause the same lame kid approached her cowardly extending one of his coloured flyers her way.

_Last time I checked I was speaking no German, but I'll humour you. _

No sooner had she touched it and the letters started reassembling themselves turning into perfectly legible English. _Lesson one out of a hundred. Do not take whatever strangers have to offer. It could easily have been a portkey. Third floor, second door on the right._

_Oh, that's so bloody great. Now he wants to play hide and seek. _

She climbed obediently to the third floor, dutifully counted up to two and entered the… loo. After thoroughly checking every cabinet, searching beneath the soap dispenser and scrutinizing the interior of various dustbins she shamefully took refuge to a simple 'rivelatore segreti' charm. And it was all it took for the bright crimson letters to appear on the massive mirror that covered a whole wall from end to end. _Lesson two out of a hundred. Do not make the same mistake twice. There're so many different others to choose from. Why would you trust directions from unverified sources? Fifth floor cafeteria and order a latte with extra milk to go. _

_OH MY GOD! He's gonna make me wander all around Zurich in a fruitless hidden treasure hunt just to prove he can still boss me about. From afar._

And there she was, on the 5th floor coolly waiting for her coffee without a wrinkle registering on her face. If you were to take a peek on the inside though, you could easily be intimidated by the hell waiting to break loose.

Having no further instructions she just paid for the coffee and exited the room.

_Now what? Should I drink this insult to caffeine, or just hang around by the elevator? Is it just a dead end to teach me not to talk to strangers, or follow their instructions? Maybe if I just get back in again and order a nice strong black coffee? Just to settle my nerves? 'Cause right now they pose a serious threat to someone's corporeal status. _

Fifteen minutes later, a furiously finger tapping Hermione reacquainted herself with the cashier lady in search of a poisonous non-travesty coffee and a sickly sweet piece of chocolate cake. The revelation hit her as she was passing back the change she had received earlier. There was something written around the edge of her sickle. Snatching the offensive coin and holding it up high in the air she stormed out of the cafeteria leaving a dumbfounded pondering-early-retirement lady on her wake.

_Lesson three out of a hundred. Always check your change. They might be stealing you. Alternatively it might be your portkey._

_My lesson to you dear Professor: Never underestimate the patience of an ex-student. It might be killing you. _

And with a tap on the coin she was gone.

A/N: Oh, you guys, I asked for a boost up and you crowned me queen of the universe! I so adore your reviews. And I thank the rest of you that read but never review. Just less.


	10. And here we are now

Chapter 10 – And here we are now

"Ah, Miss. Granger. You finally grace me with an appearance. What took you so long?"

"Do you find this amusing? What is wrong with you? You discovered espionage novels or Gabriel Knight DVD's?"

"Might I venture a guess that both your references are somehow muggle related?"

"Venture whatever you like. What is this? Where are we?"

"Non-descriptive sitting room of a hotel suite. Still in Zurich. How do you like the city so far?"

"Is this a social call or did I just entered a parallel universe where you are all nice and caring?"

"Don't delude yourself Miss Granger. Polite enquires after one's wellbeing is usually considered a welcomed distraction."

"Only when that specific one hasn't passed through a battle arena to find you."

"That merely secured our current privacy. How's everyone doing?"

"Can we step out of the twilight zone please? It's getting spooky."

"If I knew that some polite words was all it took to frighten the living death out of you, I might have considered using it earlier."

"Since all else failed."

"Don't mock Miss Granger. It doesn't become you. Unless you learn how to properly do it of course."

"And here I am, blowing the good fortune to be taught by the master to the wind."

"Does anyone else know you're here?"

"Would a negative answer made it easier for you to discard the body?"

"I assume you considered that probability long before owling me. Either that or you're too desperate for some reason."

"You know what the say about us Gryffindors, can't resist our inherent drive for taking risks. Uncalculated as you so unmistakably pointed out."

"Would some tea alleviate the reason of despair if only for the time being?"

"You do look at it as a social call, don't you?"

"Having no obligation to hide under a professor's persona any more, I can't see anything wrong with offering you tea. Can you?"

"Next thing I know, you'd be asking me on a date as well."

"Which thought sounds totally shocking to you for what reason exactly?"

"Okay. Let's sit back and wait for the polyjuice to wear off."

"And deprive me the inexplicit pleasure of watching you in a loss for words? Merlin only knows how long I've been waiting for this to happen."

"Still no good. Prove it's actually you."

"2nd year, you botched polyjuice so bad that you ended up in the infirmary as a cat. Served you right for being so arrogant as to believe that you could actually brew such an advanced potion at such a young age."

"Not to spoil your daydreaming here, but it actually did work. Harry and Ron transfigured just fine. I happened to have collected the wrong hair."

"And may I ask who did they transfigure into? What were you trying to prove anyway?"

"Let's just say we wanted to find out who the heir of Slytherin was... Try another. Too many knew about the cat incident."

"Let's see, let's see. So many to choose from… What about helping a convicted felon escape by illegal use of a time-turner?"

"He was never a felon."

"He was never proven innocent."

"How did you know about the time-turner?"

"I didn't. I found out much much later. When there was no way to turn back time and alter what took place. Not that it did Black any good. He just died with couple of years delay."

"Yeap, it's definitely same old mean you."

"Not mean. Merely realistic. Be that lesson four: don't mess up with time."

"How did you gain access on the MoM's time-turner's… department, or whatever it is called? I thought we totally demolished it last year."

"Although you did a pretty thorough job there, you missed the files. And having friends in high places always pays out. Happy birthday by the way. You are now an adult. Has the MoM owl reached you yet?"

"What owl?"

"The one welcoming you into adult wizarding world and lifting the non-magic barrier."

"You mean, that's today? I always thought it would be on my real birthday."

"This is your real birthday Miss Granger. The poor thing will probably have to travel all the way to here to reach you. And then back. And then forth again. Not a good day for owls this one."

"What do you mean?"

"You can't be found by magic today Miss Granger. The minute you taped that sickle you actually became unreachable, unplottable if you like."

"You can't perform that on a person. That's Dark Magic."

"So you aren't having tea with Santa Claus, then."

"You actually cast Dark Magic on me?"

"You actually requested a meeting with me?"

"I just thought…"

"You didn't. And that's where the problem resides. You just went for the first plan that came in your mind, preposterous though it might prove."

"What's preposterous about it?"

"Oh, nothing. Since term ended I keep rejecting ex-students' owls inviting me over for tea."

"It might not have been the most orthodox way to contact you, but at least it was one that wouldn't raise too many suspicions…"

"Well thought Miss Granger, but I wasn't referring to your communicating methods or skills. I was solely enquiring on your choice of communication subject. But I should have guessed, legendary as you are for keeping company to common murderers."

"I so don't… who do you mean?"

"Potter, non-premeditated. Black, alleged. And now advanced level three. Me, the real thing."

"I know you didn't kill him."

"Oh, is that so? That four-feet paper on Avada Kedavra was just bought in the essays black market then?"

"I wrote it myself all right but I still don't see how you might have killed Dumbledore."

"Is this actually the high emergency of yours? Satisfying your curiosity as to what exactly transpired that night?"

"No, it's just Hagrid getting to me. He still believes you staged Dubledore's death. He half expects him to turn up on his doorstep every time Fang barks."

"Kindly inform both, that there's no such a prospect. Dumbledore is as dead as they come."

A/N: I know I make them all sound too clever, namely completely OOC, but what I hate most in books, fics, movies etc is endless descriptions of flowerbeds and sunsets and interior designing. IMHO, it becomes more interactive, if not stimulating, when the reader has to imagine their facial expressions or surroundings or whatever.


	11. And cut

Chapter 11 – And… cut

"And what might the reason of you requesting this meeting be?"

"Well it might be lusting after you but it's not. It's… this."

"Ten points for a comeback least expected Miss Granger and isn't this the day you supposedly accept presents instead of giving them?"

"It's not a present and I'm not giving it to you. I just want you to take a look at it."

"Looks nice. Here."

"Don't give it back! Much as I appreciate your artistic evaluation, this locket holds more than… Just take a look."

After a quick spin and some non-verbals, an eyebrow rose. Couple of muttered charms later second eyebrow felt the urgent need to meet the first. The situation cried for a wand and some louder pronounced spells. Eyebrows on the other hand cried for a forehead extension as they were threatening to jump out of Snape's face.

"…I see… I guess it's none of my business to ask how you ended up owning it. You do own it, don't you?"

"Would that knowledge be of any actual help?"

"Depends on what your quest is?"

"Destroy it?"

"Oh, no, no, no."

"No as in you can't or no as in you don't want to?"

"What difference does it make?"

"Well it does to me. Can't you at least tell me why you won't do it?"

"It's so heavily warded that I can't even tell what's its use is. And you want me to blast it out of existence? Anyone going into so much effort to protect whatever this locket holds, has definitely some pretty nasty curses prepared for the one that pries it open. Not to mention tries destroying it."

"You're actually telling me that you're incapable of taking down some wards? And you taught DADA?"

"Two words Miss Granger: Lockhart, Quirell. And I'm not saying I'm incapable. I just performed 8 successive long distance apparitions and if not in dire danger I'd rather refrain from using any strength-straining magic for a while."

"What took you so long? I managed it in 3. And how comes and you're allowed 8?"

"Hogwarts' privileges. Since no one at the MoM took the time to retract them, I'm abusing them."

"Yes, but still, why use them all at once?"

"Lesson five out of a hundred: When arranging secret meetings don't take your stalker along. It kind of nullifies the whole prospect of it being secret."

"You were being followed?"

"I think they lost track of me in Bujumbura."

"Are you making up names?"

"The whole population of Burundi is applauding your ignorance right now."

"Are you meaning to tell me that you reached Zurich via Africa?"

"I actually flew in from Alexandria."

"I thought flying carpets were banned in Europe."

"Muggle planes on the other hand are not. Plus the added advantage of not being monitored by the Ministry."

"You used an airplane to escape the… Ministry? What makes you believe the Ministry is hot on your heels in the first place?"

"What makes you not? Being spared the public pelting doesn't subsequently mean they forgot all about me."

"It means they don't have strong evidence against you."

"Of course. Because any Ministry in the world, fortunate to have entrusted a killer to educate their children, would proudly announce it, while unable to locate and take the man down."

"Couldn't you just make yourself unreachable as well?"

"And pick everyone's attention as to my whereabouts?"

"How many different stalkers do you have exactly?"

"Quite enough to boost my ego. For I recently became important, stalker-wise. Let's count them, shall we? The Unspeakables, the Dark Lord, an old foe or two, Moody and his cohorts, and to add insult to injury special guest for today a rival house ex-prefect. I might be forgetting one or two."

"Given time to rest could you actually open the locket?"

"Of course I could… give it a try. Why is this so significant to you?"

"What's your time limit?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"What time are you expected back? When will they start noticing you missing?"

"I'm not some peer of yours limited by curfew Miss Granger."

"Extreme lengths arranging this meeting might indicate the exact opposite."

"You're not having tea with your long lost uncle Miss Granger. You're harboring a fugitive on the run. People actually get charged with that."

"You took time to make sure I'm not prosecuted?"

"While bracing myself for the other way round as well."

"You thought I arranged this meeting to turn you in?"

"Don't blame a wizard for being cautious. Constant vigilance is your lesson six out of a hundred."

"I can't believe you thought I would come here to bait you."

"Whereas it was awfully obvious that you would seek out my ward-breaking expertise?"

"Dark Arts expertise."

"So it isn't your great-grandmother's picture, the secret this locket holds?"

"You could tell that much on your own. So what do we do until you regain your strength?"

"You actually insist? What's in for you Miss Granger? And while we are at it, what is actually in for me?"

"Let's say Dumbledore died trying to retrieve it."

"He died out of my… oh that's why he was… oh."

"I can actually see the Slytherin mind's cogwheels spinning."

"Let's have lunch. Are you hungry? Can't risk being seen with you outside or I'd take you to some place better than this. So what do you say?"

A/N: Sorry, it took me so long to update but had to rush to pre-school to learn proper addressing, marital status etc. At least this way people reading after you, won't have their retinas shredded to pieces like you had. Though it's too late to issue a warning: those of you hating walking sticks or guide-dogs, please don't read any further. I can't guarantee a Walntemart won't make an appearance at some future chapter.


	12. When everything goes downhill

Chapter 12 – When everything goes downhill

Snape was right. Hermione Granger had a knack for criminal outcast celebrities. Potter, Black and Snape. The holy triangle of the deeply misunderstood heroes. If someone was to tell her that she would be sharing a meal, some small talk and a bottle of fine wine with her oh-so-dreaded Professor, she would have rushed them to an asylum 'cause no confundus charm can get you so confounded. She had yet to reach a conclusion as to whether she would be winning the bet she had with Ron. Civilised, polite even, he certainly was, but was Snape a good or a bad guy?

She patiently sat quietly as she watched Snape undo the wards on the locket some hours after their meal was finished. He didn't sweat like a pig, but his knuckles could certainly do with some more colour. At one point Hermione was sure his wand was about to snap in two by the way he was gripping it. Although she was asked to leave the hotel she mulishly insisted on staying and compromised with watching Snape work in the bedroom through the sitting-room's opened door. She also promised to keep quiet and most significantly ask NO questions. It was far past midnight when she finally saw Snape falling on his back on the double bed almost fainting-like. His voice came through the door half satisfied, half terrified but surely harsh:

"Miss Granger, do you even know what this is?"

"Do you?"

"Is this the point where I childishly shriek: I asked you first? Get in here. I can't possibly move."

"I don't know how much I should let slip."

"Sit down Miss Granger. You're not serving detention."

Having the vast selection of a case of drawers, a closet shelf and the bed, Hermione hesitantly chose to occupy the upper left corner of the bed, while Snape was laying in the middle, hands spread wide out and legs hanging out of the mattress from the knee down. He was forced to turn his head into an awkward and uncomfortable-judging by the cracking noises of his neck-position to face her.

"You haven't answered my question Miss. Granger. Do you know what this is?"

"Let's say it's a container."

"You actually missed the word soul in front of that container of yours. And since I see no surprise registering on your face, I'd guess you already know what its proper name is."

"A horcrux?"

"Ah, now we've established that we're walking on the same ground here, do you mind sharing with me the reason for which I would be tempted to destroy such a thing?"

"Because I'm asking you to?"

"Try again."

"I don't see the reason you don't want to."

"Why don't I want to destroy someone's half a soul risking my own in the meantime? I hope there won't be a next time, but in case there is please owl me the purpose and nature of our appointment and I'll make sure not to attend."

"Well, it's not like I could read about it and destroy it myself."

"Prove me wrong but you probably weren't able to recognise the wards for what they were. So someone must have told you it's a horcrux in advance."

"You're right about the wards. Billy Weasley couldn't take them down and Professor Lupin couldn't even try, 'cause it's silv..."

"Just how many people know about this meeting? Has it made it to the Phoenix Herald front page or just the Weasleys Wizard Network?"

"They only know about the wards. Not what actually lies beneath."

"Now I feel privileged. Whose is this Miss Granger? And why do you need to have it destroyed?"

"Look I can't get into too many details but let's say Dumbledore particularly cared to see it gone."

"Filling the blanks on my own is rather more dangerous than you sharing the whole story with me."

"You know I can't. Rule no 7."

"Oh, now you resort to rule no 7? After putting me through enough to be needing urgent obliviation you claim rule no 7?"

"Do you want me to try?"

"Hell no! I'm perfectly capable of guarding or, need be, removing my memories on my own, thank you very much. Whatever happened to your other two guinea pigs? Died already on science's altar?"

"If you're referring to Ron and Harry, they're fine, thank you. I'll make sure to pass your regards and best wishes. Now will you help me destroy this accursed thing?"

"I assume that in your mind I look like a goldfish opening and closing my mouth, erupting nothing else than air bubbles. If you were hearing capable you might have realised that I politely declined your generous offer of committing suicide."

"You said the same thing when I asked you to break the wards."

"Miss Granger I take it you're not willing to part ways with this locket. You didn't even trust me alone with it without having me watched. The werewolf cannot help and I know of no one else that shares both our trust and could help destroying it. Am I clear?"

"It needs joint magic?"

"No give it to Longbottom and he'll wreck it for you."

"Why can't I help?"

"With your vast knowledge of Dark Arts and your extensive experience in defending yourself? Not to mention your acute reflexes."

"I could work on it."

"Okay then, see you in 20 years time. Don't forget to bring the locket with you."

"Just tell me what to read. Hey, stop giving me that look."

"I merely admire that quite well organised body of yours. The weakest part-your brain-is protected by the strongest-your thick skull."

"I could do it. I brew polyjuice at the age of 12. I taught myself how to brew veritaserum at the age of 17. Why can't I just learn how to destroy a horcrux?"

"Miss Granger you could give a headache to an aspirin."

"Just try me out. Please?"

"It takes more than reading Miss Granger. It takes actual practice. It takes walking down the Dark path. I have no time for baby sitting and if you do it on your own, you'll be losing your soul along the one you wish to destroy."

A/N: Is it politically correct not to address reviewers individually? I know ffnet has a policy against it and that's why I avoid answering. I always guessed that if someone really needed an answer would mail me. Right? big insecurity question mark hanging above head 


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